Your Personality + His Spirit, part 5 out of 5: Melancholy

                               “My life is a perfect graveyard of buried hopes.”~Anne Shirley


If you know someone who seems particularly thoughtful or quiet, often lost in their own world of analyzing everything and everyone around them, it is very likely that this person is a melancholy. Melancholies are the analyzing ones who can have the ability to spend hours on end just thinking and brewing over the smallest details. While this type of sensitivity can be very useful for finding important nuances in life and sensing when something is amiss in others, it can also be very harmful because of the way it leads a melancholy into sinful patterns of negativity and selfishness.
My favorite fictional character who is a melancholy is the lovable Anne of Green Gables. Her wild imagination and thoughtfulness allows her to live in her own world for hours on end. Another indication of her melancholy temperament is the fact that she holds a grudge against someone (Gilbert Blythe, to be exact) for years, simply because he called her hair "carrots".
For this temperament, I interviewed a good family friend, K.M. She runs an incredible ministry with her piano playing and communication skills and she just recently started a television show called "Faithpoint" in which she interviews Godly men and women about their faiths.

1. What do you think is one of your greatest strengths as a melancholy? How have you been able to work for the Lord with this strength?

I think one of the greatest strengths that God has helped me to use for Him is to be sensitive to others—to be compassionate and empathetic. I understand what will be a blessing to them, and then I ask God to help me to be that way.

Years ago, I remember sitting and really trying to picture how people felt when they were around Jesus. I made a list of the things that they might experience just by being near Him because I wanted people to experience those things when they were with me.  

I thought about how Jesus really focused on people and how He cared about them at every level. He let them know that He saw them and that He understood them and was interested in them.  That’s how I wanted to be. I wanted to focus in on people and really listen to them. One of the deepest longings of every person's heart is to be understood and I wanted people to recognize me as someone who really cares about them and wants to know them and understand them.

In asking God to help open my eyes to be empathetic, I have wanted to especially notice even the people who might not ordinarily be noticed. So when I go into a room I'm always looking to make sure no one is sitting alone or eating alone. I draw everyone into conversations. I try to notice when people are doing a good job and I thank them.

2. How have you learned to put others before yourself and think about the interests of others?

I think maybe that learning to put the interests of others ahead of my own hasn’t been as big an issue for me because of the empathy God has put in my heart.

But there is another issue that He has worked on in me and that is how I have wrongly judged the motives of others when they say or do things that hurt me or that I don’t agree with. A few years ago, God opened my eyes to see that I was very quick to feel secretly condemning (or spiritually superior) when someone spoke in a way that I perceived as negative or critical or proud. Without even being aware of it, I would take their words and assign them the heart motives I would have if I had spoken those words. I just assumed no one would say or do those things unless their motives matched what mine would be.

God has been showing me not to put my motives on someone else. He reminds me that I don’t know their heart and I need to realize that they could have any number of reasons for doing or saying something—even good reasons. Just because I could only picture myself doing or saying those things with wrong intent, doesn’t mean that their intentions were wrong.

3. What is one of the most uncomfortable things for you to do in social situations?

Go to them. ;) I love being alone. It takes a lot of mental energy and concentration for me to be with people. If I have to go into a situation with people I want to slip into the back and sit quietly in a corner and not be noticed, but usually that isn’t an option.  It’s draining for me to be with people except for a very small circle of people I love and am close to.

4. What do you believe is one of the biggest downfalls of a melancholy?

Not recognizing when they have crossed the line from productive thinking to non-productive thinking.

Not recognizing when they have moved from careful planning to worry; from better self-understanding to selfish focus; from trying to be empathetic to over-analyzing the motives of others. It is so easy to miss this line—the point between what is useful and valuable thought and what is a waste of time and nonproductive, even counter-productive.

I think a melancholy may need to be particularly vigilant to ask God to help them have the mind of Christ at every moment; to keep our thoughts and the meditations of our heart on His glory.

5. Have you seen this weakness have a negative effect in a melancholy's life (either in your own life or someone else's)? What happened?
 

I have been in situations where I need to give prayerful assessment to a serious situation but instead of carefully thinking through things with a picture of God in my mind, I wander away into imagining gloomy “what if” scenarios. In the name of “careful planning,” I’m trying to figure out all the possible ways things could go wrong and how I will handle them.  So my thoughts stray from thinking through something with God’s peace and provision central in my heart to thinking through something with my own resources. I grow more and more anxious as I realize there are so many things that could go wrong and I don't have the answers. Anxiety is settling upon me because I took my eyes and thoughts off Him and crossed that line without even realizing it.

Or maybe someone has said something to me and I’m wondering why they said it. I’ll focus in on it and try to figure out all the possible nuances and just basically wallow around in a morass of pointless speculation instead of turning it over to God and asking Him to glorify Himself in that situation, no matter what their motives were.

Or I might take a remark that someone made that seemed critical or hurtful, and I’ll mentally imagine all these follow-up conversations where I'm brilliantly defending myself so that they will understand me and agree with me and see how wrong they were.  I'm investing incredible emotional energy into these mental conversations and thought processes that are completely not productive or honoring to God.

Instead of being on guard to keep my focus ultimately on God and His authority in my life, I'm instead focusing on myself or I'm focusing on others or I'm focusing on possible alarming situations and harmful outcomes—trying to picture myself handling all of it with my own resources.

And the bottom line is that these negative forebodings can grow to sort of cripple you and keep you from investing your emotional energy in praise, and in serving God with gladness,  and in joyfully finding the life He has for you.

6. Is there a specific Bible verse that addresses this weakness? If so, what is it?

A verse that I have loved for years is Proverbs 4:23—“Guard your thoughts because out of your thoughts comes your life.” I also like Philippians 4:8 – “And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.”

Our entire life begins in our mind—in our heart focus. When we bring our thoughts into captivity to Christ, yielding to His control and authority, and glorifying Him in our private inward contemplations and conversations—then out of those thoughts the rest of our life flows to His glory.

7. How has God's word and His work in your life changed the way that you address your weaknesses as a melancholy?

I actually see that being a melancholy gives me weak tendencies on two extremes: On the one hand I can feel very confident in my creativity or in my ability to assess and think through a situation; and on the other hand I can be second-guessing and over-analyzing and wondering if I did okay, or if I could have done better.

The one extreme can lead to a sense of pride, a sense of self-reliance; and then the other extreme can lead you to feel guilty or paralyzed or self-focused.

In each of those areas God is teaching me to do my work with “my whole heart unto the Lord”, and to “be strong in the Lord”, and that “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength”.  He calls me to be faithful to Him; that’s the only standard. Because service and gifting and successes come through my connection to the Vine, there’s no room to either feel pride of accomplishment or to fear that I have somehow failed.

Because it is all done through Him and for Him I can leave the results in His hands.

Pro Cras

Brace yourselves; I am about to talk about something that I myself am very guilty of doing. It's a concept called PROCRASTINATION. Interestingly enough, while I was taking Latin a few years ago, I learned the two root words that make up this word, "pro" which means "for" and "cras"which means "tomorrow". It makes perfect sense, doesn't it? Every time I want to procrastinate, I literally think, "I'll do this tomorrow."

Those Ancient Romans were pretty smart, weren't they?

When we hear this word, we usually assume that it has to do with putting off some type of schoolwork or housework (that's what I think, anyway). But, has it ever occurred to you that we can procrastinate in our faith as well? Often times, God will speak to us, inspiring us to do something that will draw us closer to him or make life better for us. His commands to us all boil down to one decision, saying yes to this offer or saying no because we refuse to change. Yet somehow, we make the choice a little more complicated than a yes or no decision. That crafty, sly guy known as Satan has managed to add a third option: procrastination. Instead of obeying God immediately when we obviously hear His voice through his word or some other means, this third option comes up and says, "ehh, don't worry about making that hard decision today. Just do it tomorrow."

I remember experiencing this at a retreat I went to last fall. After listening to many amazing speakers at this particular retreat, I was very inspired to start consistently reading my Bible every morning and night. As I listened to the speakers urge us to start having daily devotionals, my mind went on this weird little trip in which I imagined myself serenely sitting in my treehouse every morning, watching the sun rise above the trees picturesquely with my pink Bible open on my lap and my journal beside it filled with deep, spiritual insight.

 Ha, yeah, right. The moment my feet set foot in my room the very night I returned from the retreat, the crafty sly guy whispered in my ear, "You can start your Bible reading adventure tomorrow, dearie." (I added the "dearie" part because I imagine Satan to sound a little like Rumpelstiltskin from Once Upon a Time). 

After going for several months without consistent Bible reading, I realized a very simple fact: tomorrow will never come. In fact, trying to aim to do something tomorrow that you could do today is like being a dog that chases its own tail; you'll never reach it, even though its right in front of your nose. 

The Bible actually warns us about this folly in James. It says,

"Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes." 

James 4:13-14

Let me explain the context. James is telling us that we have no clue what is going to happen tomorrow, or even later today. So what does this mean when it comes to procrastination? Well, it means that we must do what God is calling us to do NOW, because we have no idea what might happen next. What if tomorrow is so busy that you never have a chance to do what you wanted to do? You never know; that's why it's good to do what you are being told to do right now. 

First time obedience. 

So, now, since it's extremely late, I think I'm going to go and read my Bible before I go to sleep :)

Your Personality + His Spirit, part 4 out of 5: Phlegmatic

“People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” -Winnie the Pooh

Amid the domineering choleric, the hyper sanguine, and the pessimistic melancholy, the world needs a peacemaker. This is why we have phlegmatics. One aspect of a phlegmatic that is especially refreshing is their contentment in doing most anything; whenever I am with a phlegmatic friend and I ask them what they want to do, they usually reply, “I’m fine with anything!”

Unfortunately, this attitude can be used against the phlegmatics,. Since they are overly submissive, phlegmatics are sure to get trampled and used by those who are more opinionated and strong-willed, and they also fall prey to one specific sin: laziness.

My favorite phlegmatic cartoon character is the lovable Winnie the Pooh. He is slow, lazy, and happy with just about everything in life.

I also have several phlegmatic people in my life including my little brother, many of my teachers and peers, and my mom, M.L., who I decided to interview for this post. Although she is very much melancholy along with her phlegmatic temperament, I wanted to interview her because of her ability to overcome the phlegmatic’s greatest downfall with her strong work ethic.

           1.    What do you think is one of your greatest strengths as a phlegmatic? How have you     

been able to work for the Lord with this strength?

As a phlegmatic, I am an easygoing person who is able to get along with most everyone.  Because of this, I am able to fit into most social situations more easily.  A phlegmatic is also a peacemaker and I think God has been able to use me to diffuse some tense situations that may otherwise have turned volatile. God has also given me an ability that I can only credit to Him – forgiving people and not holding grudges when I have felt hurt by people that I love. 

2.    How have you learned to establish a good work ethic?

Although I am a hard working person, it is still a challenge to stay focused and accomplish tasks because of my personality.  Since this struggle is very close to the surface for me, the one thing that has really helped me in this area is my daily quiet time with God.  That one thing can make the difference between a successful day of work and a distracted day of work.  If I can spend a little time with God first thing in the morning and ask Him for help in my weaknesses (which often is being distracted), my day goes amazingly well.  My to-do list gets completed and I am fully engaged in what God wants me to do that day.  And of course, God has promised us that He will give His strengths to our weaknesses (2 Corinthians 12:9).

3.    What is one of the most uncomfortable things for you to do in social situations (examples might be talking to people one-on-one, speaking in front of an audience, etc.)?

One of the most uncomfortable things for me to do in social situations is to be in a group where people know each other but I don’t know any of them.  It feels like I’m a puzzle piece fitting into a completely wrong puzzle.  People are talking, bantering and laughing around me but don’t include me even when I try and engage conversation. 

When I’m in those type of social situations, I have to really stop and remind myself,

 “I know God loves me, He is my closest friend and He is right here with me so I am definitely not alone”. 

This really helps me to feel confident because I know God is with me. Instead of appearing sullen and uncomfortable, I can feel and look pleasant and confident with God by my side.

4.    What do you believe is one of the biggest downfalls of a phlegmatic?

One of the toughest things about being a phlegmatic is the besetting sin of laziness.  In addition to that, our culture has also become very accepting of a placid and apathetic life.  There is a great wave in culture to be placidly checking technology and wandering around the internet, and a phlegmatic is happily geared to float aimlessly in that manner. So, this trait of laziness leads to other downfalls:  Apathy and indecisiveness.  Which then leads to more wandering around (in opinion and decision making) when a firm “Yes” or “No” is required (Matthew 5:37).  

5.    Have you seen this weakness have a negative effect in a phlegmatic’s life (either your own life or someone else’s)? What happened?

I have seen phlegmatics become so lethargic that they waste swaths of time and never develop the amazing strengths that are available to them.  This leads to an unfocused and sidetracked life.  Someone that I know who is a phlegmatic couldn’t decide what to do in college and eventually dropped out, came home and is still there!

6.    Is there a specific Bible verse that addresses this weakness? If so, what is it?

Here are a few of my favorite verses that address the issue of laziness:

Colossians 3:23 (NIV)  Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters.

Proverbs 6:9  (The Message) You lazy fool, look at an ant.  Watch it closely; let it teach you a thing or two.  Nobody has to tell it what to do.  All summer it stores up food; at harvest it stockpiles provisions.  So how long are you going to laze around doing nothing?  How long before you get out of bed?  A nap here, a nap there, a day off here, a day off there, sit back, take it easy – do you know what comes next?  Just this:  You can look forward to a dirt-poor life, poverty your permanent houseguest!  (My interpretation of poverty is poor in life purpose and spirit).

Proverbs 31:15a, 17 (NIV) She gets up while it is still night; she provides food for her family…She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks. 

           7.    How has God’s word and His work in your life changed the way that you address your weaknesses as a phlegmatic?

God’s word is such a resource for my weaknesses and my strengths.  Because of my relationship with Him and the wisdom of His word, I am able to recognize my strengths as gifts from Him. I am also able to recognize my weaknesses as opportunities for my relationship and trust in God to grow stronger and for God to use me in a very real way in my life and in the lives of others.