Misconceptions about Being Single

Being single in today’s culture can be a difficult and lonely road. Often enough, the mentality in Christian culture can actually make this even…worse. In fact, a few opinions shared within the church to pre-teens, teenagers, and young adults about being single have the potential to harm us, rather than help us. On top of this, the devil injects even more lies into our heads, making things even more convoluted.

 So today, I’m going to present you with a few misconceptions that we collect from others and from ourselves about being single. Here we go…

1. Just “wait”, and the right person will come to you.

While this is probably a true statement, as most people get married in their lives, the mentality behind it doesn’t seem at all helpful for us.

See, if you are a poor, lost princess stuck in a tower and your only way to leave your confinement is to be rescued by a prince, then this statement applies to you.

If you are a young, dashing prince and your only way to ascend to your rightful throne is to get married and you insist on waiting for true love (as all of them usually do), then this statement applies to you.

But, I don’t think any of us could fit one of these two descriptions. In fact, we fit an opposite description. 2 Corinthians 3:17 tells us that we are already free. Romans 8:17 reminds us that we are already joint-heirs to the kingdom of God. So consequently, there is absolutely no reason for us to be stuck inside our towers of waiting, singing “When Will My Life Begin?”, because our lives have already begun. We live through Christ and through all of the incredible things He has planned for us TODAY.

2.  If you’ve managed to stay single, despite culture and peer pressure, then you’ve shown yourself to be stronger than those who aren’t.

I know I told the following story a few years ago, but I’ll tell it again…

One of my friends teaches elementary school. Whenever one of her students says a phrase like, “that’s not fair!” or “why don’t I get what she has?” etc. etc, she will respond with a very powerful phrase: “you do you”. Here’s the thing, often enough, this misconception about being single comes from the same root as the complaints from those elementary-age kids: someone has something that we don’t have. So, we become bitter and jealous, and mask these ugly emotions by feeling superior to those who aren’t single. It’s a horrible cycle and it creates some terrible baggage, such as dogmatism and self-righteousness. I think Satan absolutely loves it when we get onto this slippery slope of superiority, because it completely cripples us from our pressing mission here on earth, which is to love others (John 13:34-35). And what if someone who is currently in a relationship needs you to show them Christ’s love just as much as someone who is single? If we are too busy feeling contempt against them, then we completely miss the opportunity. In the end, “you do you” applies for this too. Each person is different and each person is on a different path. If someone else’s path happens to have a relationship in it and yours doesn’t, then that’s perfectly fine. We as the body of Christ have been called to support and love everyone around us, regardless of their relationship status.

3.    You’re a martyr because you’ve continued to “wait”, so you deserve something to satisfy yourself while you’re waiting.

Again, this relates back to misconception #2; you don’t have something that someone else has. So as a result of this mentality, you try to find a substitution. We feel entitled to things that will “fill” the holes in our hearts that come with not having a someone. They become “fall backs”, or temporary fixes to camp on when we aren’t in a relationship. Here’s the huge issue: when we begin to lean on these “fall backs”, we start to idolize them. A few examples of them include: leaning on feelings of superiority (see misconception #2), binge-watching romantic movies or reading romantic books, visiting porn sites, letting fantasies run unbridled in your head, or the like. Okay, so I’m not trying to say that it’s inherently wrong to watch romantic movies. We just need to remember 2 Timothy 2:22. And I’ll be honest here before I quote the verse; this is a tough thing to think about and I used to hate it a lot. But, it has the potential to truly change us.

Here it is: “Run from anything that stimulates youthful lusts. Instead, pursue righteous living, faithfulness, love, and peace. Enjoy the companionship of those who call on the Lord with pure hearts.” (NLT)

We need to run from anything that stimulates the fleeting desires in this area of our lives. But, the important thing to realize: each person has a different “fall back”. So, we need to ask God to give us the wisdom to know what our “fall back” is, and the courage to take whatever actions are required to stop idolizing it.

4.    Jesus can be your “significant other”.

Maybe you haven’t heard this misconception presented in this exact way, but you’ve probably run into it in other ways. Have you ever read a book about relationships from a Christian point-of-view and heard the statement “God will fulfill your desires” or the command that “Jesus should be your everything”? In actuality, these statements seem to imply that Jesus can, in fact, be your “significant other”. Yes, the general ideas behind both of these statements are true; God can fulfill desires and Jesus should be our everything. But, when both of these statements are presented in response to the aching, consuming feelings of loneliness and frustration that accompany being single, they seem rather lame and unhelpful. So, here’s the real truth: God will never actually “fill” that hole in your heart. If you are hungry for a donut while you’re on a fast from sugary foods, God cannot literally fill your desire for that oily, powdery taste of donuts. I’m sorry to break this news to you, but God doesn’t taste like donuts. Instead, (assuming that you are doing said fast in response to a calling from Him) He will probably do two things:

1-Redirect your focus from wanting that donut onto bigger and better things

2- Give you peace while you’re at it

You will never fully lose your desire to eat a donut, but the desire will be VEILED and God will give you the strength to refocus. In the same way, your desire to have companionship in a significant other will never really be taken away by God. No matter how much you pray or read your Bible, you won’t be able to make it completely go away. Because think about it. God planted that desire in your heart Himself (go read Song of Songs if you don’t believe me). So He won’t just erase it all completely. He has plans to somehow use those wants for good, whether it be to teach you or to allow you to truly love someone else someday. But, as Psalm 29:11 says, “The LORD gives his people strength. The LORD blesses them with peace.” (NLT)

That’s what He’ll give each of us when we seek Him: strength and peace. And soon enough, the desire to have a someone will still be present, but it will feel a lot smaller in the light of His glory and grace.

And there you have it. Four misconceptions. Being single isn’t an easy road; that’s for certain. But, God didn’t call us to an “easy” life; He has called us to a full and joy-filled life. The less we focus on our “fall backs” and the more we focus on our mission right now as Christ-followers, the better we will feel about the whole entire thing.

Single or not single, life is good, y’all. Not because our desires are muted completely, but because we have our hope in Him.

Microscopic Things and the Meaning of Existence

After attending a science-focused school and being part of its leadership team for three years, I've had my share of thrilling experiences known as...dissections. Throughout my schooling career, I have cut up and observed no less than an earthworm, a frog, a fish, a shark, a squid, and a cat. Now, if you aren't that keen on hearing details about my cutting-up-dead-animal adventures, don't worry, because I'm not going to describe them that much.
But, I wanted to share a thought that hit me a few days ago, while working on a dissection. As part of my Anatomy class, I've had to work on a year-long cat dissection. After spending about half a year on the outside of the cat, observing muscles, we finally moved to the cat's insides. At first, this area was really grossing me out. Just the whole concept of working on a dead animal isn't pleasant, to be honest, and I was feeling rather queasy.
Then suddenly, it hit me. The little creature once had life in it, every organ that I was examining functioned perfectly. Once, it had lived, it had breathed, it had moved. I don't mean this in a sad way. In fact, I was suddenly filled with awe and wonder at God's handiwork. And it made me realize something. All of the processes that I was thinking about in that moment were happening within ME, and they are still happening in each and every one of us at every millisecond of our existence.
We are amazing creatures, designed by a Creator. Think about how much has to be perfect for us to even begin to operate.
One huge piece of evidence is our cellular processes. If even a minuscule thing is wrong with one of our cells, that could lead to disastrous results, such as cancer.
See, cells operate and make up tissues, which make up organs, which makes up systems, which make up everything that we can physically do as living creatures.
A few years back, I had the opportunity to go to the Creation Museum in Kentucky. While I was there, a biologist spoke to us and showed us a video called "The Inner Life of the Cell". I might just be weird, but this video was actually moving to me. Even though I am rather slow at understanding scientific concepts and I didn't know what the heck was going on in the video, it was still amazing. Later, I figured out that the process depicted in this video is actually what allows a white blood cell to sense its surroundings, so it can find and destroy "impostors" in our bodies. If it weren't for this process, working perfectly in each of our 4 to 9 billion white blood cells, our bodies wouldn't have any immune systems and we'd probably all just die off, at the drop of a hat. That's incredible isn't it? So, if you haven't happened to see this video, please go watch it now:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJyUtbn0O5Y

What does all of this mean for us? Well, it resonates with Psalm 139:
"You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother's womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous- how well I know it."
Psalm 139:13-14 (NLT)

This passage is incredible. God knows the inter workings of every single CELL within our bodies. He is the one who sets them into motion every millisecond, ensuring that each little organelle is doing its job. But, Psalm 139 doesn't end there...
"How precious are your thoughts about me, O God. They cannot be numbered! I can't even count them; they outnumber the grains of sand!"
Psalm 139:17-18 (NLT)

So in other words, the Creator of the universe isn't just concerned about the mechanics of you; he also loves and cares about you as a person, with all of your thoughts and dreams and uniqueness.

Basking in this truth can change everything. We are on this earth for a reason. Every one of us. With this much biological wonder working together in each human being, we literally are walking miracles. Consequently, how could we do anything besides serving our Creator and Savior? He truly does know more about each of us than we know about ourselves. I mean, seriously, do you know exactly how each of your organelles in each of your individual cells (there are around 37 trillion cells in a human being) is doing right now? Well, He does. Our God is trustworthy.



A few sources:
http://askabiologist.asu.edu/explore/building-blocks-life
http://www.sciencedaily.com/terms/white_blood_cell.htm

You're in Control- a poem

Tranquil scenery at the retreat center we stayed in

I was just on one of Georgia's beautiful barrier islands last week, to serve as a leader on a middle school retreat. God blessed us with an incredibly wonderful week, especially when He changed the weather forecast from thunderstorms to sunny skies within a day last Tuesday.

But, we had a few bumps in the road throughout the week. During one of those "downs", I wrote this poem and now, I want to share it. Ultimately, I think our success that week came from the fact that all of us on the leadership team was shown this same truth: God is in control and we just need to trust in Him, even when everything around us is chaos. 

You're in control.

The wind brushing through the trees.

You're in control.

The peaceful rippling of the sea.

You're in control.

The clouds parting for the sun.

You're in control.

The presence of Your spirit, O Holy One.

You're in control.

We know there's nothing we can do.

You're in control.

We cry out, bow our heads, to You.

You're in control.

The world is spinning out of our hands.

You're in control.

Your thoughts of us outnumber grains of sand.

You're in control.

Our hope, our rock, our power.

You're in control.

Our strength, our fortress, in every hour.

So we lean

We fall

We collapse

On You

You catch us.

You hold us.

You carry us too.

Ode to Graduation

Ode to Graduation

Torn in half

Between what was and what will be

I want to hold onto what I had

With dear life 

I want to let go and move on

With no turning back

There is comfort in what was

The sweetness and warmth 

Of childhood

Familiarity

Camaraderie 

Innocence, wide-eyed wonder

There is intrigue in what will be

The unknown and width

Of adulthood

Open space

Older newness 

Resigned, weighted freedom 

Stepping down an aisle 

With a square tasseled crown of “grown-up”

On my head

A navy robe of “you made it”

On my shoulders

Into a stretch of darkness

Into the unknown

Should I be looking back 

In remembrance 

Of the past days?

Should I be running forward

In anticipation 

Of the days to come?

How can something so inevitable

Be this difficult to comprehend?

Standing on the threshold 

Of stepping outside 

The warmth from my home

On my back

It calms me

It traps me

The wind from out there

Blasting my face

It fills me with excitement  

It fills me with fear 

Two more months now

Before this push-and-pull 

Is severed away

Reality is sinking in

But with it 

Comes something else

A rush of hope 

Sweeping over me

The ANSWER.

“One thing have I desired of the Lord

That will I seek after

That I may dwell in the house of the Lord

All the days of my life”

I am not torn

He made me whole

I am not walking into darkness

But by the light of His Spirit

I am not afraid of standing on the threshold

He covers me in the shadow of His wings

And all that really matters

He is who He is. 

Boysboysboys

Today, I'm going to take a stab at a very touchy and difficult subject: boys. So as you've probably figured out by now, this post is solely aimed towards those of the female kind. But, if you are a male and you're reading this, please, by all means, continue to read, because I would like some feedback on these thoughts. Maybe I can invent a part two to this post if you want me to bring up something else.
Before I actually start discussing all of this, I want to provide a disclaimer: I am a young woman who doesn't know that much about the male species, so take this post with a grain of salt. Also, I've only lived for 18 years, therefore most of the males I've interacted with are in the high school/freshman-in-college age. In other words, this post is specifically for high school girls who interact with teenage guys. But anyway, the reason why I feel convicted to write this post is because of the experience I've gained thus far in my life and so I can summarize a few points I've heard in excellent books, from my guy friends, and in God's word. Because I myself appreciate numbered lists and organization as most females do, and because this post is for girls, here is a nice, neat list, just for you...

1. Guys are like waffles, girls are like spaghetti.
I went to a weekend-long retreat with my church when I was in 8th grade and got to hear Chad Eastman discuss his book, which has this title. WOW, that changed my entire life and the way I view the guys around me. Let me summarize his idea. See, guys are like waffles because they compartmentalize all of their thinking, just like all of the little squares in a waffle. If a guy is in his "video game" waffle box, he can't think of anything else or do anything else, besides playing video games. However, girls are like spaghetti. We tangle up all of our different compartments. I once saw a meme that compared the female brain to having several thousand internet tabs up at once. This is a very accurate illustration because we can just switch compartments suddenly and instantaneously, or even have dual windows up at once.  If we're going to use that comparison, it seems appropriate to say that the male brain works with only one window up at a time, with no tabs.
A few weeks ago, I experienced this phenomenon first-handedly. My little brother and his friend were sitting in our kitchen, gaming on their computers while I was baking cupcakes. I was casually talking to both of them for a few minutes before I suddenly realized that neither of them were responding to me at all. At first, I was offended that they weren't listening to me. Then, I suddenly realized that they weren't being mean or offensive in any way; they just happened to be in their video game boxes and legitimately didn't hear me.
Isn't this interesting? Maybe this is why men are usually the ones who become real pros at various subjects or talents. I'm not saying that they're superior; we just need to realize that they're DIFFERENT. A guy will dive headfirst and completely into something, so naturally, he will be able to accomplish great things within the boxes he is most passionate about.

2. Don't be easily offended by boys.
As I mentioned in the previous item, guys can often be offensive to us unintentionally. Don't be frustrated if one of them accidentally says something that rubs you the wrong way or does something seemingly rude. After all, 1 Corinthians 13:5b reminds us clearly (and I'll quote this with in the Amplified version of the Bible, because it's a cool translation),
"Love (God’s love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong]."
One of our tragic flaws is to instantly take offense if a guy doesn't immediately respond to us; I was a culprit of this in the above example. Sometimes I need to remind myself about a fact: the guy just isn't in the waffle box of talking to me. And that's actually a good thing. If a boy was always in the one box to talk to you, that would be both unhealthy and just plain creepy, because that would mean that he would constantly be thinking about talking to you, all the time. Eek.

3. Expect more from the guys around you.
Boys, especially Christ-following ones, have HUGE capabilities. So, let's stop talking badly about them and degrading them. From the time we were in elementary school, our culture has taught us that it's okay to talk and act under the saying, "girls rule, boys drool."
See, we have the power to either build up the guys around us or tear them down. In fact, this concept applies to EVERYONE around us, not just males.
Romans 12:10 tells us this, " Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor." (ESV)
Every word that we, as women, say to guys has strong value. Will you give them something encouraging or discouraging? There's no middle ground between the two.

4. The modesty issue is on us.
 Here's some food for thought: if we want the boys around us to behave like gentlemen, we need to act like ladies. It really seems unfair to say the following:
"It's not my fault if a guy thinks badly about me because of what I'm wearing. That's his problem, not mine."
No, it's actually not his problem. Let's stop shifting this blame, because here's something interesting that I learned from an insightful book, "For Young Women Only" by Shaunti Feldhahm and Lisa A. Rice. These two women interviewed several men within a wide age range to gather the material for their book and came to a conclusion about this subject: when a guy sees a girl dressed in anything showy or form-fitting or sees her acting in a seductive way, bad thoughts just pop into his head involuntarily. Then, at that point if he is a Christ-follower, he must fight AGAINST the bad thoughts, as the default for sinful nature is to just extend the fantasies, which we obviously don't want. But, if the girl hadn't worn that outfit or acted that way in the first place, he wouldn't have had those horrible imaginings and he wouldn't have had to struggle against them with all of his might.
An illustration: if you leave a large lollipop on the floor in your home (though I don't know why you'd do such a thing), ants will eventually come and begin to eat it and soon enough, you'll have to buy some ant killer to get rid of them. Here's something rather obvious; if you hadn't left the lollipop out to begin with, the ants wouldn't have come.
So, on the same train of thought, let's compare putting out the lollipop to dressing or acting in a showy or seductive way, and let's think of the ants as those awful thoughts; they are "tempted" by the lollipop, just as guys are tempted by our provocative clothing and actions. In this illustration, we can also say that the Christian guys around have some ant killer on them, known as the Holy Spirit. They can defeat the bad thoughts; it's true. But, if we truly love the guys around us, let's not leave out any lollipops. This way, they won't even have to touch that bottle of ant killer when they're around us. THAT'S showing real love and putting others before yourself, just as Philippians 2:3-4 tells us to do:
"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others" (NIV).
And, it's totally possible to dress in cute and fashionable clothes, and act friendly and sweet to the guys friends we love so much, without attracting any ants; we just need to pray for wisdom so we can pull off this balancing act.

5. Your friendships aren't about you.
All friendships, including ones with guy friends, aren't about you. In fact, your life isn't about you. Believe it or not, this is a truth that will actually bounce back and be beneficial to you. The less you think of yourself, the more fulfillment you will find. Think about it. If you expect all of your friendships/relationships with guys to be about you and making you happy, you WILL be disappointed. All boys are sinful, very different from us, and highly unpredictable to us as females. But, if all of your guy friendships are about blessing them and pointing them to Christ, then you won't be offended by their flaws and you will be able to rejoice with them in their victories.

Phew. That's the end of the list, and it was heavier and much more demanding than I expected when I began this post. Please, don't be offended or discouraged by all of this. Interacting with boys shouldn't be all uphill work, as this list may have seemed to imply. Enjoy the guy friends and/or the significant other that God has placed in your life. I've made so many fun memories with all of my friends, guys and girls alike. The boys in my friend circles have given me good perspective on endless subjects and they never fail to amuse me with the hilarious things they manage to do or say. But also, let's take on a challenge as women and ask God to work through us when it comes to interacting with males. He can change our perspective and allow us to serve our brothers in Christ through amazing ways. Ephesians 3:20 reminds us that we're not alone in this mission of loving others: "Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine according to His power that is at work within us. "
Let me also point out that serving the guys around us is not a sign of weakness; the Proverbs 31 woman was always looking out for everyone around her and she is described as being clothed in STRENGTH and DIGNITY, which is very clearly the opposite of being weak. Besides, the whole loving-others thing isn't just limited to boys; it's much bigger than that. Let us love EVERYONE around us.