Today, I'm going to take a stab at a very touchy and difficult subject: boys. So as you've probably figured out by now, this post is solely aimed towards those of the female kind. But, if you are a male and you're reading this, please, by all means, continue to read, because I would like some feedback on these thoughts. Maybe I can invent a part two to this post if you want me to bring up something else.
Before I actually start discussing all of this, I want to provide a disclaimer: I am a young woman who doesn't know that much about the male species, so take this post with a grain of salt. Also, I've only lived for 18 years, therefore most of the males I've interacted with are in the high school/freshman-in-college age. In other words, this post is specifically for high school girls who interact with teenage guys. But anyway, the reason why I feel convicted to write this post is because of the experience I've gained thus far in my life and so I can summarize a few points I've heard in excellent books, from my guy friends, and in God's word. Because I myself appreciate numbered lists and organization as most females do, and because this post is for girls, here is a nice, neat list, just for you...
1. Guys are like waffles, girls are like spaghetti.
I went to a weekend-long retreat with my church when I was in 8th grade and got to hear Chad Eastman discuss his book, which has this title. WOW, that changed my entire life and the way I view the guys around me. Let me summarize his idea. See, guys are like waffles because they compartmentalize all of their thinking, just like all of the little squares in a waffle. If a guy is in his "video game" waffle box, he can't think of anything else or do anything else, besides playing video games. However, girls are like spaghetti. We tangle up all of our different compartments. I once saw a meme that compared the female brain to having several thousand internet tabs up at once. This is a very accurate illustration because we can just switch compartments suddenly and instantaneously, or even have dual windows up at once. If we're going to use that comparison, it seems appropriate to say that the male brain works with only one window up at a time, with no tabs.
A few weeks ago, I experienced this phenomenon first-handedly. My little brother and his friend were sitting in our kitchen, gaming on their computers while I was baking cupcakes. I was casually talking to both of them for a few minutes before I suddenly realized that neither of them were responding to me at all. At first, I was offended that they weren't listening to me. Then, I suddenly realized that they weren't being mean or offensive in any way; they just happened to be in their video game boxes and legitimately didn't hear me.
Isn't this interesting? Maybe this is why men are usually the ones who become real pros at various subjects or talents. I'm not saying that they're superior; we just need to realize that they're DIFFERENT. A guy will dive headfirst and completely into something, so naturally, he will be able to accomplish great things within the boxes he is most passionate about.
2. Don't be easily offended by boys.
As I mentioned in the previous item, guys can often be offensive to us unintentionally. Don't be frustrated if one of them accidentally says something that rubs you the wrong way or does something seemingly rude. After all, 1 Corinthians 13:5b reminds us clearly (and I'll quote this with in the Amplified version of the Bible, because it's a cool translation),
"Love (God’s love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking;
it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong]."
One of our tragic flaws is to instantly take offense if a guy doesn't immediately respond to us; I was a culprit of this in the above example. Sometimes I need to remind myself about a fact: the guy just isn't in the waffle box of talking to me. And that's actually a good thing. If a boy was always in the one box to talk to you, that would be both unhealthy and just plain creepy, because that would mean that he would constantly be thinking about talking to you, all the time. Eek.
3. Expect more from the guys around you.
Boys, especially Christ-following ones, have HUGE capabilities. So, let's stop talking badly about them and degrading them. From the time we were in elementary school, our culture has taught us that it's okay to talk and act under the saying, "girls rule, boys drool."
See, we have the power to either build up the guys around us or tear them down. In fact, this concept applies to EVERYONE around us, not just males.
Romans 12:10 tells us this, " Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor." (ESV)
Every word that we, as women, say to guys has strong value. Will you give them something encouraging or discouraging? There's no middle ground between the two.
4. The modesty issue is on us.
Here's some food for thought: if we want the boys around us to behave like gentlemen, we need to act like ladies. It really seems unfair to say the following:
"It's not my fault if a guy thinks badly about me because of what I'm wearing. That's his problem, not mine."
No, it's actually not his problem. Let's stop shifting this blame, because here's something interesting that I learned from an insightful book, "For Young Women Only" by Shaunti Feldhahm and Lisa A. Rice. These two women interviewed several men within a wide age range to gather the material for their book and came to a conclusion about this subject: when a guy sees a girl dressed in anything showy or form-fitting or sees her acting in a seductive way, bad thoughts just pop into his head involuntarily. Then, at that point if he is a Christ-follower, he must fight AGAINST the bad thoughts, as the default for sinful nature is to just extend the fantasies, which we obviously don't want. But, if the girl hadn't worn that outfit or acted that way in the first place, he wouldn't have had those horrible imaginings and he wouldn't have had to struggle against them with all of his might.
An illustration: if you leave a large lollipop on the floor in your home (though I don't know why you'd do such a thing), ants will eventually come and begin to eat it and soon enough, you'll have to buy some ant killer to get rid of them. Here's something rather obvious; if you hadn't left the lollipop out to begin with, the ants wouldn't have come.
So, on the same train of thought, let's compare putting out the lollipop to dressing or acting in a showy or seductive way, and let's think of the ants as those awful thoughts; they are "tempted" by the lollipop, just as guys are tempted by our provocative clothing and actions. In this illustration, we can also say that the Christian guys around have some ant killer on them, known as the Holy Spirit. They can defeat the bad thoughts; it's true. But, if we truly love the guys around us, let's not leave out any lollipops. This way, they won't even have to touch that bottle of ant killer when they're around us. THAT'S showing real love and putting others before yourself, just as Philippians 2:3-4 tells us to do:
"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others" (NIV).
And, it's totally possible to dress in cute and fashionable clothes, and act friendly and sweet to the guys friends we love so much, without attracting any ants; we just need to pray for wisdom so we can pull off this balancing act.
5. Your friendships aren't about you.
All friendships, including ones with guy friends, aren't about you. In fact, your life isn't about you. Believe it or not, this is a truth that will actually bounce back and be beneficial to you. The less you think of yourself, the more fulfillment you will find. Think about it. If you expect all of your friendships/relationships with guys to be about you and making you happy, you WILL be disappointed. All boys are sinful, very different from us, and highly unpredictable to us as females. But, if all of your guy friendships are about blessing them and pointing them to Christ, then you won't be offended by their flaws and you will be able to rejoice with them in their victories.
Phew. That's the end of the list, and it was heavier and much more demanding than I expected when I began this post. Please, don't be offended or discouraged by all of this. Interacting with boys shouldn't be all uphill work, as this list may have seemed to imply. Enjoy the guy friends and/or the significant other that God has placed in your life. I've made so many fun memories with all of my friends, guys and girls alike. The boys in my friend circles have given me good perspective on endless subjects and they never fail to amuse me with the hilarious things they manage to do or say. But also, let's take on a challenge as women and ask God to work through us when it comes to interacting with males. He can change our perspective and allow us to serve our brothers in Christ through amazing ways. Ephesians 3:20 reminds us that we're not alone in this mission of loving others: "Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine according to His power that is at work within us. "
Let me also point out that serving the guys around us is not a sign of weakness; the Proverbs 31 woman was always looking out for everyone around her and she is described as being clothed in STRENGTH and DIGNITY, which is very clearly the opposite of being weak. Besides, the whole loving-others thing isn't just limited to boys; it's much bigger than that. Let us love EVERYONE around us.
