"I'll stay awake"... Some thoughts on Christmas

This Christmas feels extraordinarily peaceful for me. It follows a hard semester, in which I was transplanted into a new situation of life and a new mindset. I'm still in the middle of making some tough decisions about my future (because current society requires me to make decisions at the measly age of 19 that will directly affect the rest of my adult life). But yet, there's this huge sense of peace in all of it, and I've realized that it's specifically related to the Christmas story. God has been planting some interesting ideas in my mind, through Christmas carols and through very vivid images. Today, I want to share these carols and word-pictures with you. They all deal with a specific theme: light.

And in despair I bowed my head:
"There is no peace on earth," I said,
"For hate is strong and mocks the song
Of peace on earth, good will to men."
Then pealed the bells more loud and deep:
"God is not dead, nor doth he sleep;
The wrong shall fail, the right prevail,
With peace on earth, good will to men."
~I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day

The ideas of peace really all began when I saw some chalk letters written on the sidewalk at my school a few months ago: "God's not dead". Yes, the movie and the song have made this saying sound cliche. But just the vision of God working under the surface of my public university was a striking and beautiful picture. Admittedly, there's a lot of junk on my campus. But, there's also so much life and hope, as there probably is in every place. No amount of darkness can squelch the evident presence of God. Seeing these words on the sidewalk brought a verse to my mind. Since then, it has become my current favorite Bible verse.
"In him was life and the life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it."
John 1:4-5

Son of God, love's pure light,
Radiant beams from
Thy holy face, with the dawn of redeeming grace
~Silent Night

This verse led me to my next image. It started with a question: what does darkness truly feel like? Several years ago, I visited Mammoth Cave with my family. At one point of the tour inside the cavern, our guide led us into a huge, cathedral-like chasm. We all stood inside this huge space and he asked us to turn off our lights for a minute. As all of the people in our group flipped off the switches on their flashlights and lanterns, the entire area fell into blackness and a cold chill ran down my spine. It takes first-hand experience inside a cave or other completely enclosed space to really understand this sensation of total darkness. Your eyes cannot adjust and begin to see after a few seconds, as would happen in a mostly dark place. There is no light for your eyes to use; even after they try to adjust themselves, switching from the sensitive, light-responsive cones to the night-vision rods, nothing happens and the darkness cannot be corrected. Standing in a place of complete darkness was equivalent to blindness. My remembrance of the dark cave is so similar to our world, before Jesus Christ was born to save us. The people tried to adjust themselves, just as our eyes attempt to work with the darkness and find sight in it. But, nothing works in complete darkness. This is exactly why we needed Jesus; he came to fix our darkness, our sin problem. A phrase in "Silent Night" is strikingly relevant to this darkness/light comparison: "dawn of redeeming grace". Jesus's birth was a new beginning. Let's not forget just how significant His arrival was; it was the dawn of redeeming grace: a new plan, a new Light, as never seen before. It's just as John Newton wrote in "Amazing Grace": "I once was lost, but now am found; was blind, but now I see."
It also ties back to the writing of Matthew the disciple:
"The people dwelling in darkness
    have seen a great light,
and for those dwelling in the region and shadow of death,
    on them a light has dawned."
Matthew 4:16

"O little town of Bethlehem,
How still we see thee lie!
Above your deep and dreamless sleep,
The silent stars go by.
Yet in thy dark streets shineth
The everlasting Light,
The hopes and fears of all the years,
Are met in thee tonight."
~O Little Town of Bethlehem

So in the end, it all boils down to one statement: Jesus is the Light of the World. Yeah, I assume that you've heard that one before. "Jesus is the Light" is a fact so overstated to any American who have lived around Christians or been inside a church that it's probably like someone telling you that "dogs bark" or "you have ten fingers". But, it means so much more than that. It means that we, as Christ-followers, are also the light of the world (Matthew 5:16). This is so very difficult in a world that continues to live in darkness and reject Jesus's gift of grace.
Now, please follow my train of thought for a second here. Whenever I hear the word "darkness", it reminds me of one of my favorite songs ever: Ode to Sleep by Twenty One Pilots (a non-Christian, alternative band that tackles deep issues of darkness and depression). The song has one line that stands out, through its melody and its repetition: "I'll stay awake, cause the dark's not taking prisoners tonight."
Here's a rhetorical question for you: what does darkness do to us as human beings- literal darkness I mean? Well, it causes us to feel sleepy (see the connection to the TOP song...?). The spiritual darkness surrounding us does the exact same thing; it tries to put us to sleep- into apathy, self-absorption, and status quo.
There's another image that illustrates this "spiritual sleep" beautifully; It's a verse in a song from my early childhood, "This Little Light of Mine".
 "Hide it under a bushel, No! I'm gonna let it shine. Hide it under a bushel, no! I'm gonna let it shine, let it shine, let it shine."
After I learned what a bushel even was (it's a basket), my child brain decided that hiding a candle under a bushel was the dumbest concept known to humankind. What's the point of a light if it's hidden away? But now that I'm older, I realize that metaphorically, I've done it so many times. That's exactly what it looks like to fall asleep: putting our light- our hope and trust in Christ- on the back-burner or in a forgotten desk drawer. Ultimately, when we are apathetic about our faith and our belief in the significance of Jesus's birth, we're hiding our lights under a bushel. And yes, a light hidden under a basket is pretty darn useless. As if I hadn't referenced enough random songs already, I also imagine the carol "O Little Town of Bethlehem" when I think about the "sleep" concept. The people of Bethlehem were in a deep, dreamless sleep when Jesus arrived. The Light of the world was literally within their reach; they were within a minute's walk from seeing the Savior of the world in person and worshipping Him. But from what we know, many of them simply missed it as they slept on. Ugh, that's awful, isn't it? As already discussed in this post, this Light matters so much more than any of us can comprehend. So consequently, each of us need to decide to make it matter in our lives.

So this Christmas, what will you do with the Light- the living, undefeated light that miraculously came down to earth and brought a dawn of redeeming grace, then bestowed some of that brilliant light on you? Don't just hide it or forget what it means for you and to the entire world. Even in the darkest nights, when God doesn't seem to be responsive or when He doesn't make any sense to you, trust in His unending love- the very love that sent His son on Christmas night to die for you. Don't miss the beauty and life at the real root of this crazy commercialized season, and the remaining 11 months after it. Stay awake. Cause the dark's not taking prisoners tonight.

God and I Have a Conversation

When I was in my early teen years, I read a magazine that published conversations between God and the magazine's author. Today, I was thinking through many of the scattered talks I've had with God in the past few months and I decided to compact all of them into one, hypothetical conversation- similar to the articles I used to read. Please note that when I write out what God says, it's through the lens of my own humanity, so obviously, I'm not being a prophet or anything mystic like that. Also, I wanted to clarify that I've never literally heard a voice of God before. These conversations mainly occur in my head. When I'm thinking through some of the problems that you are going to read about, I will often get a clear train of thought, bursting through the noises of worry and frustration. These sudden and seemingly spontaneous thoughts will remind me of some truth that is very consistent with verses that I know or have read in the past. So, this conversation is a reflection of those trains of thought, which I know to be God, as He overthrows my anxiety and inhibitions.




Me: God, I’m fretful right now. In fact, I’m feeling so fretful, that I don’t really find meaning in Your word anymore. 

God: How so?

Me: Well, my feelings right now, my emotions of being unsettled and ungrounded, seem so real and so strong. When I try to read scripture, it seems bland and inapplicable in comparison to my feelings.

God: But, it was written for you. It was written for every situation that you face in your life.

Me: Yeah, I know. But right now, I have a hard time even trusting You. I’m so torn right now. My future is a complete question mark. Do I stay here, or do I move? This is a huge question that You’re posing in my mind right now, and I don’t like it. God, I’m in limbo! I’m stuck between my past and my future and I don’t know where I’m headed next. I’m not only fretful; I’m scared. 

God: Do not be afraid. I am with you.

Me: I know, I know! I could probably recite all of the “Do not be afraid” passages from the Bible in my sleep! But, I can’t feel it.

God: You don’t have to feel it.

Me: Why not?! I don’t understand.

God: I am so much more than your feelings, child. I am infinitely bigger than them.

Me: Well then, why are all of my emotions fighting against me? Why do I feel so confused and lost?

God: Emotions follow a state of mind. You say that you know Me, but do you truly know Me?

Me: Of course I do. I read my Bible every night. 

God: Why do you read it? 

Me: Because I feel guilty if I don’t? I don’t know!

God: That guilt that you feel isn’t from Me. I am a God of love and grace, not of fear. 

Me: I know. But, this still doesn’t answer my questions. Can You help me? I still feel afraid.

God: I already helped you.

Me: Um, I still feel scared of the future…

God:  …I sent My only Son to save you and cover you with grace. I have written your name on the palms of My hands. My thoughts about you cannot be numbered. I go before you; I protect you from behind. 

Me: Then, can You at least tell me what’s going to happen next? I want to know so badly.

God: It’s not time for you to know yet.

Me: Why not?!

God: I know you better than you know yourself, My child. And remember, I am outside of time. I understand your ways perfectly. I have an amazing plan of what will happen to you and how it will be revealed. 

Me: It’s all head knowledge. All of this is. But, I can’t snap out of these emotions. I’m scared. This fear has built up in me for months now. It’s like a dark cloud over me. 

God: My grace is sufficient for you, dearest.

Me: I want answers! Please!

God: My grace is sufficient for you. That is the answer. 

Me: Where will I be in a year? In six months?!

God: Where are you now? Today, you’re protected from all sides by My love. Today, you’re exactly where you need to be. You are strategically surrounded by the right classmates and friends for this moment in time. Right now, you are soaring on wings like an eagle and you are continuing in the beautiful story I am writing for you. My grace is sufficient for you. 

Me: But, what if I have to move? What if I have to leave where I am right now? I’m not ready.

God: You will always be ready for whatever happens next. I’ve always made sure of that. Look back on your past. Every moment of your life, you were in the right place at the right time to meet very specific people and to experience very specific events. I have you exactly where you need to be.

Me:…

God: Can you trust Me? Can you open your hands instead of grabbing onto what was and what could be? 

Me: Yes, LORD. I can. I do. 

Who am I?- a testimony

Circa 2011, 9th grade

If anyone tells you that transitioning from high school to college is an easy process, they are wrong; I’m just saying this straight out. These last few months as I’ve transitioned into life as a full-time university student have been rough- emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. But, why were they so hard? What was so painful about transitioning and changing? I’ve pinpointed it: the difficulty was my identity. Today, I want to share my last few months and some breakthroughs I’ve had, in a testimony-style of writing. In other words, this is a very personal blog post, with a focus on what God has taught me as a person. I hope that it will benefit you all, as I’m sure that what I’ve felt and experienced over the last few months is not unique to my situation.

At every stage of life for as long as I can remember, I’ve had a very specified identity. In elementary school, I was the crazy animal-loving girl (my brother and I owned more pets than we can even comprehend as we look back). Middle school years, I was the upcoming entrepreneur, videotaping and taking pictures of my classmates, editing it all into videos, then selling them DVDs of themselves. Early high school, I was the “Asian”: I learned how to write Chinese characters, wore all sorts of Japanese pop culture accessories (hair bows, animal hats, etc.), obsessed over Hello Kitty, and even “dated” a guy who was part Japanese (another story for another day, yes).

My identity in late high school is the most vivid memory for me, obviously. At the end of this May- my senior year- I was at the top of the leadership program in my school, known there for my clerical skills, strong spiritual life, and ability to start eccentric trends amongst my friends. In marching band, I was one of the only girls in the drum line, which were considered the “cool kids”. I took great pride in my position there, as the friend of every well-liked guy in the drum line and an influential force in the trends that went in and out of band.

But, this year, everything changed. When I look back at the emotion of the past few months, I get a mental image of the saying “I got the rug pulled out from under me”. I was standing solidly on my identity as a strong leader and a popular, but capable teenager. Then, the rug was pulled away and I fell onto the ground, having to start from scratch. None of my previous identities would work for college life. I obviously couldn’t be an outspoken spiritual leader in the classes at my public university, I couldn’t be the cool drummer kid when I really was terrible at playing percussion compared to the other talents at the school, I couldn’t start eccentric trends because I didn’t have any solid friend groups among which to start them. There was nothing left.

On top of all of this, I was (and still am) a little fish in an ocean of people. I hardly ever saw the same people in more than one class and I was coming into contact with hundreds of people every day at school. So, this gave me little to no leverage in forming a projected identity to others, since they only saw me for two hours per week, in the context of a classroom.

Since I based so much of my life on my identity, I felt lost for the entire summer (while anticipating the start of school) and for most of August. I actually used to sit in my room after I got home from school, crying and longing to go back to my marching band and leadership days, more than anything in the world. Nothing felt constant anymore. Marching band and the leadership program simply continued on without me, so I began to feel replaced and unneeded in that way too.

But, God taught me something through this process, as He always does. As Christ-followers, we’re always told something that goes like this, “we change, the world around us changes, but God will never change.”
I used to take this as a trite statement, until this year. See, I was creating a problem for myself in high school; I was basing my identity on movable, changeable things. That was why it was so devastating for me to lose them. But now that the rug has been pulled from underneath my feet and I have no other fallback, I’ve learned to rely on the only thing that won’t change: Jesus Christ, my Savior and Lord.

Last night, I was reading through Colossians and one particular passage showed me what it looks like to apply the concept of relying on Jesus to identity. In other words, what will it look like when my projected identity is Jesus? Here’s the passage:
“Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience…And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.”
Colossians 3:12, 14

Everything makes sense now. I can’t just go into a college classroom and be known by my music skills, my friends, my trend setting abilities, or anything like that. But now, it doesn’t even seem worthwhile to have my classmates and acquaintances know me as “the Hello Kitty girl” (heaven forbid) or the “percussionist girl”, as I was once known. Now, I want them to know me by something different: my LOVE. I want them to look back on me, maybe just as a classmate that they only knew for one semester or maybe as a longer term acquaintance/friend, and remember me as being compassionate, kind, humble, meek, patient, and full of love. I want them to see me as having an unearthly ability to do all of these things, outside my own nature and dependent on Someone who transcends understanding and means more to me than life itself.

And when my feet are firmly planted on God’s unchanging grace, I will be able to go anywhere and do anything, because I’ll know that He’s there, every step of the way.

The Desert of My Mind

This blog post is about to reveal a lesson that I learned over the summer. But, I learned these lessons the hard way. So, the point of today is to warn you all about a danger that I ran right into, that way, you will be able to take preventative measures and avoid my mistakes.
Here’s what the problem is: thoughts. Now, you may be wondering why this is such a big deal, since thoughts just stay in your head, obviously. Well, I have discovered quite the opposite: thoughts are the roots for absolutely everything, both good and evil.

A good friend and I are currently studying Jeremiah and we came to an interesting conclusion while reading Jeremiah 13:15-27, which is entitled “A Warning Against Pride” in my NLT Bible. First off, in this passage, we realized that God’s biggest “pet peeves” were not outward displays of evil, but seemingly subtle things, like arrogance (v. 15) and lust (v. 27). These sins that God seemed to despise so much were in the mind, not outwardly displayed.
Then, my friend and I started to discuss an interesting idea: God hates these types of sins because they are the roots to all other sins. To continue exploring our idea, my friend and I flipped to a yucky passage, Galatians 5:19-20, that I like to nickname the Anti-Fruits of the Spirit.
Here it is,
“When you follow the desires of your sinful, the results are very clear: sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures, idolatry, sorcery, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, division, envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and other sins like these.”
Did you see what all of those have in common? My friend and I did, and we got pretty excited, because it’s a whole new angle of looking at God's word.
All of these sins have a common root: the mind. And that’s the reason why the Bible has SO MUCH commentary about pride, lust, jealousy, and other sins that don’t seem to be “visible”; God knows that we need to aim for the root first to conquer our sins. This is why thoughts are so vital.

 Jesus also discussed this phenomenon in this infamous passage:
“You have heard the commandment that says, ‘You must not commit adultery.’ But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”
Matthew 5:27-28
If adultery can start in the mind, what else can? The possibilities are endless and it’s terrifying. But, how do we defeat Satan’s weapons of mass destruction within our brains?

Well, while I was facing my own mind battles this summer, I began to think about a fantastic song by one of my favorite bands, Twenty One Pilots. This song actually presents a very clear solution to the problems at hand. First, here's a bit of background: I had known about this song for about a year, but about a month ago, my brother shed new light on the lyrics, explaining how they seemed closely connected to concepts about God and His saving grace in our thought lives. This isn’t a surprise, as the lead singer of the band, Tyler Joseph, is a professed Christian. The song is entitled “Addict with a Pen” and it comes from Twenty One Pilot’s self-titled debut album. The chorus starts out,
“Hello
We haven't talked in quite some time
I know
I haven't been the best
Of sons
Hello
I've been traveling in
The desert of my mind
And I
Haven't found a drop
Of life
I haven't found a drop
Of you
I haven't found a drop
I haven't found a drop
Of water”

That line, “traveling in the desert of my mind” is such a potent image. You’ve probably felt it as I have. Not only are destructive thought patterns dangerous, but they also engulf us, become a horrible, addictive reality for us, very comparable to a desert. In many ways, thoughts can become an idol. We can build various “mind shrines” in our brains, ultimately worshipping our sin-filled, unbridled thoughts by obsessing over them.
 So, we end up wandering through the deserts of our minds, looking for some type of sustenance. But, sin is death, so naturally, we won’t find “a drop of life” or “of you” (God) amongst it all. Towards the end of this emotion-filled song, TOP presents us with the ultimate solution of it all:
“But you specialize in dying
You hear me screaming
Father
And I'm lying here just crying
So wash me with your water”.
This is the solution that will conquer the darkness in our minds: being washed by God’s grace and love. More specifically, the solution to the thought battles is cleansing our minds with Him. Notice that at the beginning of “Addict with a Pen”, Tyler Joseph says, “Hello, we haven’t talked in quite some time. I know I haven’t been the best of sons…”
We cleanse our minds by doing what the hypothetical speaker in the song didn't do: spending time with God (“talking” to Him). "Spending time with God" could involve delving into His word to renew our minds (Romans 12:2) or even serving others for His glory and our fulfillment (Proverbs 11:25). If we are doing this, then we won’t resort to wandering in the deserts of our minds.

Yes, this is all so cliché. But, it makes perfect sense, as God's ways always do. See, if we develop a deep relationship with God and stick with Him, even when we aren’t “emotionally inclined” to do so, He will present us with mini-solutions along the way, that are specific to each of our unique problems. In response to my personal struggles, He prompted me to cut out certain TV shows and habits. Often, these things weren’t even inherently bad, but they were triggers for me to turn inward, to my “mind shrines”.
Even though these decisions in my life appeared to be acts of deprivation, in the end, they weren’t. Making choices as God prompts us aren’t His ways of punishing us or taking away things that we enjoy. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. He wants us to have lives full of joy and purpose (John 10:10), so He will give us the conviction and strength to remove anything that inhibits us from living the lives He wants for each of us. And that makes the difficult and often painful removal process all worth it.
But, at the end of the day, even when we do mess up or get lost in the desert, we don't need to be afraid. He will always reach down and pick us up again with endless grace and love, when we call out to Him, our Father.

Misconceptions about Being Single

Being single in today’s culture can be a difficult and lonely road. Often enough, the mentality in Christian culture can actually make this even…worse. In fact, a few opinions shared within the church to pre-teens, teenagers, and young adults about being single have the potential to harm us, rather than help us. On top of this, the devil injects even more lies into our heads, making things even more convoluted.

 So today, I’m going to present you with a few misconceptions that we collect from others and from ourselves about being single. Here we go…

1. Just “wait”, and the right person will come to you.

While this is probably a true statement, as most people get married in their lives, the mentality behind it doesn’t seem at all helpful for us.

See, if you are a poor, lost princess stuck in a tower and your only way to leave your confinement is to be rescued by a prince, then this statement applies to you.

If you are a young, dashing prince and your only way to ascend to your rightful throne is to get married and you insist on waiting for true love (as all of them usually do), then this statement applies to you.

But, I don’t think any of us could fit one of these two descriptions. In fact, we fit an opposite description. 2 Corinthians 3:17 tells us that we are already free. Romans 8:17 reminds us that we are already joint-heirs to the kingdom of God. So consequently, there is absolutely no reason for us to be stuck inside our towers of waiting, singing “When Will My Life Begin?”, because our lives have already begun. We live through Christ and through all of the incredible things He has planned for us TODAY.

2.  If you’ve managed to stay single, despite culture and peer pressure, then you’ve shown yourself to be stronger than those who aren’t.

I know I told the following story a few years ago, but I’ll tell it again…

One of my friends teaches elementary school. Whenever one of her students says a phrase like, “that’s not fair!” or “why don’t I get what she has?” etc. etc, she will respond with a very powerful phrase: “you do you”. Here’s the thing, often enough, this misconception about being single comes from the same root as the complaints from those elementary-age kids: someone has something that we don’t have. So, we become bitter and jealous, and mask these ugly emotions by feeling superior to those who aren’t single. It’s a horrible cycle and it creates some terrible baggage, such as dogmatism and self-righteousness. I think Satan absolutely loves it when we get onto this slippery slope of superiority, because it completely cripples us from our pressing mission here on earth, which is to love others (John 13:34-35). And what if someone who is currently in a relationship needs you to show them Christ’s love just as much as someone who is single? If we are too busy feeling contempt against them, then we completely miss the opportunity. In the end, “you do you” applies for this too. Each person is different and each person is on a different path. If someone else’s path happens to have a relationship in it and yours doesn’t, then that’s perfectly fine. We as the body of Christ have been called to support and love everyone around us, regardless of their relationship status.

3.    You’re a martyr because you’ve continued to “wait”, so you deserve something to satisfy yourself while you’re waiting.

Again, this relates back to misconception #2; you don’t have something that someone else has. So as a result of this mentality, you try to find a substitution. We feel entitled to things that will “fill” the holes in our hearts that come with not having a someone. They become “fall backs”, or temporary fixes to camp on when we aren’t in a relationship. Here’s the huge issue: when we begin to lean on these “fall backs”, we start to idolize them. A few examples of them include: leaning on feelings of superiority (see misconception #2), binge-watching romantic movies or reading romantic books, visiting porn sites, letting fantasies run unbridled in your head, or the like. Okay, so I’m not trying to say that it’s inherently wrong to watch romantic movies. We just need to remember 2 Timothy 2:22. And I’ll be honest here before I quote the verse; this is a tough thing to think about and I used to hate it a lot. But, it has the potential to truly change us.

Here it is: “Run from anything that stimulates youthful lusts. Instead, pursue righteous living, faithfulness, love, and peace. Enjoy the companionship of those who call on the Lord with pure hearts.” (NLT)

We need to run from anything that stimulates the fleeting desires in this area of our lives. But, the important thing to realize: each person has a different “fall back”. So, we need to ask God to give us the wisdom to know what our “fall back” is, and the courage to take whatever actions are required to stop idolizing it.

4.    Jesus can be your “significant other”.

Maybe you haven’t heard this misconception presented in this exact way, but you’ve probably run into it in other ways. Have you ever read a book about relationships from a Christian point-of-view and heard the statement “God will fulfill your desires” or the command that “Jesus should be your everything”? In actuality, these statements seem to imply that Jesus can, in fact, be your “significant other”. Yes, the general ideas behind both of these statements are true; God can fulfill desires and Jesus should be our everything. But, when both of these statements are presented in response to the aching, consuming feelings of loneliness and frustration that accompany being single, they seem rather lame and unhelpful. So, here’s the real truth: God will never actually “fill” that hole in your heart. If you are hungry for a donut while you’re on a fast from sugary foods, God cannot literally fill your desire for that oily, powdery taste of donuts. I’m sorry to break this news to you, but God doesn’t taste like donuts. Instead, (assuming that you are doing said fast in response to a calling from Him) He will probably do two things:

1-Redirect your focus from wanting that donut onto bigger and better things

2- Give you peace while you’re at it

You will never fully lose your desire to eat a donut, but the desire will be VEILED and God will give you the strength to refocus. In the same way, your desire to have companionship in a significant other will never really be taken away by God. No matter how much you pray or read your Bible, you won’t be able to make it completely go away. Because think about it. God planted that desire in your heart Himself (go read Song of Songs if you don’t believe me). So He won’t just erase it all completely. He has plans to somehow use those wants for good, whether it be to teach you or to allow you to truly love someone else someday. But, as Psalm 29:11 says, “The LORD gives his people strength. The LORD blesses them with peace.” (NLT)

That’s what He’ll give each of us when we seek Him: strength and peace. And soon enough, the desire to have a someone will still be present, but it will feel a lot smaller in the light of His glory and grace.

And there you have it. Four misconceptions. Being single isn’t an easy road; that’s for certain. But, God didn’t call us to an “easy” life; He has called us to a full and joy-filled life. The less we focus on our “fall backs” and the more we focus on our mission right now as Christ-followers, the better we will feel about the whole entire thing.

Single or not single, life is good, y’all. Not because our desires are muted completely, but because we have our hope in Him.

Microscopic Things and the Meaning of Existence

After attending a science-focused school and being part of its leadership team for three years, I've had my share of thrilling experiences known as...dissections. Throughout my schooling career, I have cut up and observed no less than an earthworm, a frog, a fish, a shark, a squid, and a cat. Now, if you aren't that keen on hearing details about my cutting-up-dead-animal adventures, don't worry, because I'm not going to describe them that much.
But, I wanted to share a thought that hit me a few days ago, while working on a dissection. As part of my Anatomy class, I've had to work on a year-long cat dissection. After spending about half a year on the outside of the cat, observing muscles, we finally moved to the cat's insides. At first, this area was really grossing me out. Just the whole concept of working on a dead animal isn't pleasant, to be honest, and I was feeling rather queasy.
Then suddenly, it hit me. The little creature once had life in it, every organ that I was examining functioned perfectly. Once, it had lived, it had breathed, it had moved. I don't mean this in a sad way. In fact, I was suddenly filled with awe and wonder at God's handiwork. And it made me realize something. All of the processes that I was thinking about in that moment were happening within ME, and they are still happening in each and every one of us at every millisecond of our existence.
We are amazing creatures, designed by a Creator. Think about how much has to be perfect for us to even begin to operate.
One huge piece of evidence is our cellular processes. If even a minuscule thing is wrong with one of our cells, that could lead to disastrous results, such as cancer.
See, cells operate and make up tissues, which make up organs, which makes up systems, which make up everything that we can physically do as living creatures.
A few years back, I had the opportunity to go to the Creation Museum in Kentucky. While I was there, a biologist spoke to us and showed us a video called "The Inner Life of the Cell". I might just be weird, but this video was actually moving to me. Even though I am rather slow at understanding scientific concepts and I didn't know what the heck was going on in the video, it was still amazing. Later, I figured out that the process depicted in this video is actually what allows a white blood cell to sense its surroundings, so it can find and destroy "impostors" in our bodies. If it weren't for this process, working perfectly in each of our 4 to 9 billion white blood cells, our bodies wouldn't have any immune systems and we'd probably all just die off, at the drop of a hat. That's incredible isn't it? So, if you haven't happened to see this video, please go watch it now:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJyUtbn0O5Y

What does all of this mean for us? Well, it resonates with Psalm 139:
"You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother's womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous- how well I know it."
Psalm 139:13-14 (NLT)

This passage is incredible. God knows the inter workings of every single CELL within our bodies. He is the one who sets them into motion every millisecond, ensuring that each little organelle is doing its job. But, Psalm 139 doesn't end there...
"How precious are your thoughts about me, O God. They cannot be numbered! I can't even count them; they outnumber the grains of sand!"
Psalm 139:17-18 (NLT)

So in other words, the Creator of the universe isn't just concerned about the mechanics of you; he also loves and cares about you as a person, with all of your thoughts and dreams and uniqueness.

Basking in this truth can change everything. We are on this earth for a reason. Every one of us. With this much biological wonder working together in each human being, we literally are walking miracles. Consequently, how could we do anything besides serving our Creator and Savior? He truly does know more about each of us than we know about ourselves. I mean, seriously, do you know exactly how each of your organelles in each of your individual cells (there are around 37 trillion cells in a human being) is doing right now? Well, He does. Our God is trustworthy.



A few sources:
http://askabiologist.asu.edu/explore/building-blocks-life
http://www.sciencedaily.com/terms/white_blood_cell.htm

You're in Control- a poem

Tranquil scenery at the retreat center we stayed in

I was just on one of Georgia's beautiful barrier islands last week, to serve as a leader on a middle school retreat. God blessed us with an incredibly wonderful week, especially when He changed the weather forecast from thunderstorms to sunny skies within a day last Tuesday.

But, we had a few bumps in the road throughout the week. During one of those "downs", I wrote this poem and now, I want to share it. Ultimately, I think our success that week came from the fact that all of us on the leadership team was shown this same truth: God is in control and we just need to trust in Him, even when everything around us is chaos. 

You're in control.

The wind brushing through the trees.

You're in control.

The peaceful rippling of the sea.

You're in control.

The clouds parting for the sun.

You're in control.

The presence of Your spirit, O Holy One.

You're in control.

We know there's nothing we can do.

You're in control.

We cry out, bow our heads, to You.

You're in control.

The world is spinning out of our hands.

You're in control.

Your thoughts of us outnumber grains of sand.

You're in control.

Our hope, our rock, our power.

You're in control.

Our strength, our fortress, in every hour.

So we lean

We fall

We collapse

On You

You catch us.

You hold us.

You carry us too.

Ode to Graduation

Ode to Graduation

Torn in half

Between what was and what will be

I want to hold onto what I had

With dear life 

I want to let go and move on

With no turning back

There is comfort in what was

The sweetness and warmth 

Of childhood

Familiarity

Camaraderie 

Innocence, wide-eyed wonder

There is intrigue in what will be

The unknown and width

Of adulthood

Open space

Older newness 

Resigned, weighted freedom 

Stepping down an aisle 

With a square tasseled crown of “grown-up”

On my head

A navy robe of “you made it”

On my shoulders

Into a stretch of darkness

Into the unknown

Should I be looking back 

In remembrance 

Of the past days?

Should I be running forward

In anticipation 

Of the days to come?

How can something so inevitable

Be this difficult to comprehend?

Standing on the threshold 

Of stepping outside 

The warmth from my home

On my back

It calms me

It traps me

The wind from out there

Blasting my face

It fills me with excitement  

It fills me with fear 

Two more months now

Before this push-and-pull 

Is severed away

Reality is sinking in

But with it 

Comes something else

A rush of hope 

Sweeping over me

The ANSWER.

“One thing have I desired of the Lord

That will I seek after

That I may dwell in the house of the Lord

All the days of my life”

I am not torn

He made me whole

I am not walking into darkness

But by the light of His Spirit

I am not afraid of standing on the threshold

He covers me in the shadow of His wings

And all that really matters

He is who He is. 

Boysboysboys

Today, I'm going to take a stab at a very touchy and difficult subject: boys. So as you've probably figured out by now, this post is solely aimed towards those of the female kind. But, if you are a male and you're reading this, please, by all means, continue to read, because I would like some feedback on these thoughts. Maybe I can invent a part two to this post if you want me to bring up something else.
Before I actually start discussing all of this, I want to provide a disclaimer: I am a young woman who doesn't know that much about the male species, so take this post with a grain of salt. Also, I've only lived for 18 years, therefore most of the males I've interacted with are in the high school/freshman-in-college age. In other words, this post is specifically for high school girls who interact with teenage guys. But anyway, the reason why I feel convicted to write this post is because of the experience I've gained thus far in my life and so I can summarize a few points I've heard in excellent books, from my guy friends, and in God's word. Because I myself appreciate numbered lists and organization as most females do, and because this post is for girls, here is a nice, neat list, just for you...

1. Guys are like waffles, girls are like spaghetti.
I went to a weekend-long retreat with my church when I was in 8th grade and got to hear Chad Eastman discuss his book, which has this title. WOW, that changed my entire life and the way I view the guys around me. Let me summarize his idea. See, guys are like waffles because they compartmentalize all of their thinking, just like all of the little squares in a waffle. If a guy is in his "video game" waffle box, he can't think of anything else or do anything else, besides playing video games. However, girls are like spaghetti. We tangle up all of our different compartments. I once saw a meme that compared the female brain to having several thousand internet tabs up at once. This is a very accurate illustration because we can just switch compartments suddenly and instantaneously, or even have dual windows up at once.  If we're going to use that comparison, it seems appropriate to say that the male brain works with only one window up at a time, with no tabs.
A few weeks ago, I experienced this phenomenon first-handedly. My little brother and his friend were sitting in our kitchen, gaming on their computers while I was baking cupcakes. I was casually talking to both of them for a few minutes before I suddenly realized that neither of them were responding to me at all. At first, I was offended that they weren't listening to me. Then, I suddenly realized that they weren't being mean or offensive in any way; they just happened to be in their video game boxes and legitimately didn't hear me.
Isn't this interesting? Maybe this is why men are usually the ones who become real pros at various subjects or talents. I'm not saying that they're superior; we just need to realize that they're DIFFERENT. A guy will dive headfirst and completely into something, so naturally, he will be able to accomplish great things within the boxes he is most passionate about.

2. Don't be easily offended by boys.
As I mentioned in the previous item, guys can often be offensive to us unintentionally. Don't be frustrated if one of them accidentally says something that rubs you the wrong way or does something seemingly rude. After all, 1 Corinthians 13:5b reminds us clearly (and I'll quote this with in the Amplified version of the Bible, because it's a cool translation),
"Love (God’s love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong]."
One of our tragic flaws is to instantly take offense if a guy doesn't immediately respond to us; I was a culprit of this in the above example. Sometimes I need to remind myself about a fact: the guy just isn't in the waffle box of talking to me. And that's actually a good thing. If a boy was always in the one box to talk to you, that would be both unhealthy and just plain creepy, because that would mean that he would constantly be thinking about talking to you, all the time. Eek.

3. Expect more from the guys around you.
Boys, especially Christ-following ones, have HUGE capabilities. So, let's stop talking badly about them and degrading them. From the time we were in elementary school, our culture has taught us that it's okay to talk and act under the saying, "girls rule, boys drool."
See, we have the power to either build up the guys around us or tear them down. In fact, this concept applies to EVERYONE around us, not just males.
Romans 12:10 tells us this, " Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor." (ESV)
Every word that we, as women, say to guys has strong value. Will you give them something encouraging or discouraging? There's no middle ground between the two.

4. The modesty issue is on us.
 Here's some food for thought: if we want the boys around us to behave like gentlemen, we need to act like ladies. It really seems unfair to say the following:
"It's not my fault if a guy thinks badly about me because of what I'm wearing. That's his problem, not mine."
No, it's actually not his problem. Let's stop shifting this blame, because here's something interesting that I learned from an insightful book, "For Young Women Only" by Shaunti Feldhahm and Lisa A. Rice. These two women interviewed several men within a wide age range to gather the material for their book and came to a conclusion about this subject: when a guy sees a girl dressed in anything showy or form-fitting or sees her acting in a seductive way, bad thoughts just pop into his head involuntarily. Then, at that point if he is a Christ-follower, he must fight AGAINST the bad thoughts, as the default for sinful nature is to just extend the fantasies, which we obviously don't want. But, if the girl hadn't worn that outfit or acted that way in the first place, he wouldn't have had those horrible imaginings and he wouldn't have had to struggle against them with all of his might.
An illustration: if you leave a large lollipop on the floor in your home (though I don't know why you'd do such a thing), ants will eventually come and begin to eat it and soon enough, you'll have to buy some ant killer to get rid of them. Here's something rather obvious; if you hadn't left the lollipop out to begin with, the ants wouldn't have come.
So, on the same train of thought, let's compare putting out the lollipop to dressing or acting in a showy or seductive way, and let's think of the ants as those awful thoughts; they are "tempted" by the lollipop, just as guys are tempted by our provocative clothing and actions. In this illustration, we can also say that the Christian guys around have some ant killer on them, known as the Holy Spirit. They can defeat the bad thoughts; it's true. But, if we truly love the guys around us, let's not leave out any lollipops. This way, they won't even have to touch that bottle of ant killer when they're around us. THAT'S showing real love and putting others before yourself, just as Philippians 2:3-4 tells us to do:
"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others" (NIV).
And, it's totally possible to dress in cute and fashionable clothes, and act friendly and sweet to the guys friends we love so much, without attracting any ants; we just need to pray for wisdom so we can pull off this balancing act.

5. Your friendships aren't about you.
All friendships, including ones with guy friends, aren't about you. In fact, your life isn't about you. Believe it or not, this is a truth that will actually bounce back and be beneficial to you. The less you think of yourself, the more fulfillment you will find. Think about it. If you expect all of your friendships/relationships with guys to be about you and making you happy, you WILL be disappointed. All boys are sinful, very different from us, and highly unpredictable to us as females. But, if all of your guy friendships are about blessing them and pointing them to Christ, then you won't be offended by their flaws and you will be able to rejoice with them in their victories.

Phew. That's the end of the list, and it was heavier and much more demanding than I expected when I began this post. Please, don't be offended or discouraged by all of this. Interacting with boys shouldn't be all uphill work, as this list may have seemed to imply. Enjoy the guy friends and/or the significant other that God has placed in your life. I've made so many fun memories with all of my friends, guys and girls alike. The boys in my friend circles have given me good perspective on endless subjects and they never fail to amuse me with the hilarious things they manage to do or say. But also, let's take on a challenge as women and ask God to work through us when it comes to interacting with males. He can change our perspective and allow us to serve our brothers in Christ through amazing ways. Ephesians 3:20 reminds us that we're not alone in this mission of loving others: "Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine according to His power that is at work within us. "
Let me also point out that serving the guys around us is not a sign of weakness; the Proverbs 31 woman was always looking out for everyone around her and she is described as being clothed in STRENGTH and DIGNITY, which is very clearly the opposite of being weak. Besides, the whole loving-others thing isn't just limited to boys; it's much bigger than that. Let us love EVERYONE around us.

Seeds Don't Grow Overnight

Normally I don't write on passing emotions, but I think this post is about a month of experiences in the making. Let me explain. Over the past few months, I've had the chance to encounter various people and begin to present the Gospel message to them.
It's an absolutely incredible experience to share Jesus with someone in some way and it leaves you feeling victorious and empowered. However, I've also learned a rather bittersweet truth about this process: seeds don't grow overnight.
See, we're existing in a world that longs for resolution. We assume that we will hear the outcomes of everything almost instantaneously and deeply desire the endings to every story we hear. Let me show you what I mean...

1. If we have to wait more than thirty minutes at a restaurant for our food, we begin to get very impatient.

2. TV series thrive on the human desire for resolution. We watch shows to the very end, just to see what happens to the characters and we literally have fits if we get left on a cliffhanger (if you don't believe me, go up to someone within the Sherlock fandom and ask them about their opinion of season 4 of the series).

3. Movie producers are somehow able to create four to five movies about the same characters and world. And they've learned the art of splitting the last book of a series into two separate movie adaptions and generating millions of dollars more. Or in the case of The Hobbit, three separate movies. The only reason why this works is because of our desire to see the end.

4. Quick weight loss programs are a thing. Need I say anymore?

It's crazy how set we are on seeing the endings of every story. We brood over what will happen at the end of a book series or TV season.
While it's okay to do that with entertainment, we as Christians tend to do the same thing in our faith lives, which can be very damaging to us. When we pray for anything, we immediately expect God to make it appear before our eyes, as if he is a genie or magician. When we do anything outside of ourselves and impact others in some way by "planting seeds", we expect to hear about the change we made very soon afterwards; we want to immediately see the seeds grow.
But, this isn't always the case, is it? In fact, we OFTEN won't see the end of what we worked so hard to do while serving God. I think this is why we have such a hard time with persistent prayer; we pray fervently for someone or something for about a week and when nothing happens, we just forget about it and move on.
With that said, let's not forget this verse:
"But you must not forget this one thing, dear friends: a day is like a thousand years to the Lord and a thousand years is like a day. The Lord isn't really being slow about his promise, as some people think. No, he is being patient for our sake. He does not want anyone to be destroyed, but wants everyone to repent." 2 Peter 3:8-9 (NLT)
So, there is some doctrine in this verse about repentance that we won't discuss today; don't worry about that right now because there's a basic gist to this scripture that we need to focus on: GOD'S TIMING IS DIFFERENT FROM OURS.
What if our impact stretches far beyond our lifetimes? What if it at least stretches far beyond the next few years? Or weeks? None of us can know or understand God's ways or His timing, but that's okay. This is where the concept of trust comes in. Think about this:
 Do we truly trust that God puts every opportunity in our lives for a reason?
Do we truly understand that He uses us in a way that HE has planned, not how we have imagined?
Do we trust Him enough to know that His work doesn't end with us?

Philippians 1:6 says,
"And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue His work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns."
"You" doesn't necessarily refer to the person reading the text; it can refer to anyone we have come into contact with or prayed for. God will finish what He began.
Paul also discusses this in 1 Corinthians 3:7-9,
"It's not important who does the planting, or who does the watering. What's important is that God makes the seed grow. The one who plants and the one who waters work together with the same purpose. And both will be rewarded for their own hard work." (NLT)

Wow. That's profound. Again, we are being called to trust God. We may only do the planting or the watering, which means that we may not get to see the outcome of our work. But, God is still there the entire time, making the seed grow into maturity. Or, as Isaiah said,
"I replied, 'But my work seems so useless! I have spent my strength for nothing and to no purpose. Yet I leave it all in the LORD's hand; I will trust God for my reward."
Isaiah 49:4 (NLT)

Today, I discovered that one of my opportunities has officially ended and I may never hear the resolution of some seeds I planted in someone's life. It's extremely heart-wrenching, yes, but how dare I think to give up on those seeds or doubt God's purpose for the life I was able to pour into? After all, none of this is about me or the immediate rewards I receive here and now; it's about working for the Most High and seeing the eternal payoffs in His kingdom.

He isn't finished yet.

Truly Living- a poem

A photography of Asheville, NC- 12-28-14

Truly Living

What if living isn’t dreaming

Of how life will be someday

Wishing for something better

Than what you have already anyway

What if living isn’t waiting

For your life to truly “begin”

Watching as the world spins around you

Refusing to let happiness in

But what if living is life

As you have it right now, right here

Without the coveted future

That you hold dear

Of being perfectly imperfect

And completely incomplete

Taking time to embrace opportunities

Moving forward, moving both of your feet

Maybe it’s every moment today

That ultimately counts

When the things we want most

Aren’t there in any amounts

When we’re leaning on our God

Pleading Him to fill the void inside

Realizing that our lives aren’t really about us

About the loneliness we’ve felt, the tears we’ve cried

Knowing that the only option is to turn to Him

To pour out our love to others and never stop giving

Maybe, just maybe this is when we’re

Truly living