When I was in my early teen years, I read a magazine that published conversations between God and the magazine's author. Today, I was thinking through many of the scattered talks I've had with God in the past few months and I decided to compact all of them into one, hypothetical conversation- similar to the articles I used to read. Please note that when I write out what God says, it's through the lens of my own humanity, so obviously, I'm not being a prophet or anything mystic like that. Also, I wanted to clarify that I've never literally heard a voice of God before. These conversations mainly occur in my head. When I'm thinking through some of the problems that you are going to read about, I will often get a clear train of thought, bursting through the noises of worry and frustration. These sudden and seemingly spontaneous thoughts will remind me of some truth that is very consistent with verses that I know or have read in the past. So, this conversation is a reflection of those trains of thought, which I know to be God, as He overthrows my anxiety and inhibitions.
Me: God, I’m fretful right now. In fact, I’m feeling so fretful, that I don’t really find meaning in Your word anymore.
God: How so?
Me: Well, my feelings right now, my emotions of being unsettled and ungrounded, seem so real and so strong. When I try to read scripture, it seems bland and inapplicable in comparison to my feelings.
God: But, it was written for you. It was written for every situation that you face in your life.
Me: Yeah, I know. But right now, I have a hard time even trusting You. I’m so torn right now. My future is a complete question mark. Do I stay here, or do I move? This is a huge question that You’re posing in my mind right now, and I don’t like it. God, I’m in limbo! I’m stuck between my past and my future and I don’t know where I’m headed next. I’m not only fretful; I’m scared.
God: Do not be afraid. I am with you.
Me: I know, I know! I could probably recite all of the “Do not be afraid” passages from the Bible in my sleep! But, I can’t feel it.
God: You don’t have to feel it.
Me: Why not?! I don’t understand.
God: I am so much more than your feelings, child. I am infinitely bigger than them.
Me: Well then, why are all of my emotions fighting against me? Why do I feel so confused and lost?
God: Emotions follow a state of mind. You say that you know Me, but do you truly know Me?
Me: Of course I do. I read my Bible every night.
God: Why do you read it?
Me: Because I feel guilty if I don’t? I don’t know!
God: That guilt that you feel isn’t from Me. I am a God of love and grace, not of fear.
Me: I know. But, this still doesn’t answer my questions. Can You help me? I still feel afraid.
God: I already helped you.
Me: Um, I still feel scared of the future…
God: …I sent My only Son to save you and cover you with grace. I have written your name on the palms of My hands. My thoughts about you cannot be numbered. I go before you; I protect you from behind.
Me: Then, can You at least tell me what’s going to happen next? I want to know so badly.
God: It’s not time for you to know yet.
Me: Why not?!
God: I know you better than you know yourself, My child. And remember, I am outside of time. I understand your ways perfectly. I have an amazing plan of what will happen to you and how it will be revealed.
Me: It’s all head knowledge. All of this is. But, I can’t snap out of these emotions. I’m scared. This fear has built up in me for months now. It’s like a dark cloud over me.
God: My grace is sufficient for you, dearest.
Me: I want answers! Please!
God: My grace is sufficient for you. That is the answer.
Me: Where will I be in a year? In six months?!
God: Where are you now? Today, you’re protected from all sides by My love. Today, you’re exactly where you need to be. You are strategically surrounded by the right classmates and friends for this moment in time. Right now, you are soaring on wings like an eagle and you are continuing in the beautiful story I am writing for you. My grace is sufficient for you.
Me: But, what if I have to move? What if I have to leave where I am right now? I’m not ready.
God: You will always be ready for whatever happens next. I’ve always made sure of that. Look back on your past. Every moment of your life, you were in the right place at the right time to meet very specific people and to experience very specific events. I have you exactly where you need to be.
Me:…
God: Can you trust Me? Can you open your hands instead of grabbing onto what was and what could be?
Me: Yes, LORD. I can. I do.
